Saturday, 23 July 2011

Axton's Story 3 - Happiness to Brokeness

Axton's first 36 hours were completely normal.  We had lots of time to rest and we were able to visit with Sarah, Mikayla and their mom Amber a lot.  Axton was a perfect baby, so easy going and laid back.  Our first night together was amazing - I couldn't be happier!  Axton was doing so well in fact, that the doctor considered sending me home on the second day, February 3rd.  She eventually decided that she would wait for the following morning to dishcharge me, which I was perfectly fine with.   The only thing (in hind sight) that was out of the "norm" on the 3rd was that I noticed Axton shivering.  The room was quite chilly, so I assumed that was the problem and I wrapped him up in another blanket.  The shivering seemed to stop, so I thought I had solved that problem!

Amber and the girls had been discharged earlier that day & Reg had gone home to be able to put Holden to bed.  Axton & I were left alone to relax before going home the next morning.  I recieved a phone call from my sister-in-law Shannon and we chatted away for a long time. Axton ended up pooping so Shannon and I said our goodbyes and I geared up to change his bum. He was very swaddled up, as most newborn baby's are, plus he had the extra blanket to keep him warm.  When I got him undone and ready to change I noticed he was twitching.  I watched this for a second - newborns make all sorts of strange expressions and movements - but what I realized is that this "twitch" was all happening only on one side.  His face, arm/hand and leg were all involved in this twich.  Sensing this was not "normal" newborn movement I took him across the hallway to the nurses station. 

I asked the first nurse I saw if this twitching was normal - the look on her face was horrified as she scooped him up and yelled to all of the other nurses to come.  Alarm bells started going off across the ward to let the other nurses of the emergency and code red was being called.  This was likley the most traumatizing moment of my life!  Nurses were filling the room and I was being asked a million questions.  Before I knew it the NICU team had arrived and taken Axton.  I was told that normally I could have gone with him, but since it was 7:00, shift change, I would have to wait until 8:30.  They would come and get me as soon as they were ready for me.  And so the hardest hour and a half of my life began....

To say I was completely & utterly broken would be an understatement.    My mind wandered to my helpless little boy - I literally had NO clue what was going on!  Was he dying?  All I could imagine was going over to the NICU and them telling me "I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do."  I was also crying, and the crying would not stop for another 24 hours or so.  Being hormonally imbalanced from giving birth did not help my emotional state one bit!

Finally I recieved the call, I could go visit my baby.  I would now enter a place where I never hoped to go, but in hind sight I am so glad to have experienced - the NICU.

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